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April 25, 2011

Random thoughts

i have been thinking.. a lot.. i got a job..bought a bicycle..finished all my exams (just the paper for getting a degree has left). but that all doesn't bother me much. i simply don't care..most the time i am just tired and dizzy. i went to the doctor, that was such a stupid idea. i sat there and the only thing in my head was..omg..if she finds out that i am not eating right. anyways the doctor wants me to take a lot of tests..i hope they won't show any signs of my life style..for now i am thinking i musted simply leave all as it is..but my thyroid was too swollen for too long (since Christmas) and i got too worried :(... OK in fact i'm very scared.
the other thing is i am also scared i can't trust my judgement anymore. i always thought i know the best about me, about other people, about life and so on.and most of the time i was right. Friends always said i am the smart one.    
but last months have been awful. i am wrong, i misunderstand a lot. and now when i am writing i see that i was really  wrong, but i also know next time i will do the same (it's difficult to explain) it is like part of a time a another me has the power of seeing and she sees all bad. i have already written about the feeling that there are two MEs inside my body. but before last couple of months Mes couldn't agree only about things i saw in the mirror. and with that i could live. but now it's bad. i had a lot of fights with friends because i misunderstand them, blamed them for what i thought they think and wanted to do to me. and after a while i saw my mistake..i really did..but i was too ashamed about it to speak with them.




Something happier. I love surrealism. Salvador Dali is my favorite artist. This tattoo kind of remind me of his works. I still think about the idea of having a tattoo. but i can't decide what exactly do i want(i have been thinking over a year now or even more): dream-catcher or a dog. I could have both. Will see. Till that time i still need to lose lot of fat.
  
xXxxShySushixXxx

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad you're back! Blogger is addicting in so many ways and it's a bit hard to stay away from :). That's great you have a job now & can do both that and school- jobs are so important to have because they let you be somewhat independant. You can lose the weight you want to- lets make this summer an awesome one!

    Hopefully the docs won't pick up on any sign of your lifestyle- but since you've been haveing trouble with your thyriod it's good you went. I hear thyroid issues can affect weight loss. I love the thought of getting a tattoo- for me, Id probably get a quote in really fancy writing or something :)

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