ThinTHinThinTHinspo

i messed everything up...feel like shit. but these pics are so beautiful... real thinspo!

Hi, thanx Ariana for Honest Scrap Award! 10 things are much and i have no idea where to start^^

ok..then..well..

1) i don't make a step outside my house without my ipod. no music would be the end of my safe world, where im hiding.

2)im definitely a bookworm. i have been reading books since i was 4. and a good book can steal me easely from the big world.

3)i care about dogs more then i care about people. Because they need my protection, they love me for who i am and will never let me down. sounds stupid and banal but for me its very true also.

4) i used to believe in God but then i understood (5-6 years ago)
 i just have those big fears that he will punish me if i won't belive in him. i have no idea...do i belive  in anything now at all.

5) my biggest dream is to travel around the world and not to worry about the money while im doing it

6)the big bang theory will cheer me up almoust always.

7)the most annoying thing about myself...im very shy...and im blushing THE WHOLE TIME...im tired to explain that i haven't got crush on that person with who im talking *sigh*

8) Coward- that is me. sometimes im better giving up on my dreams then fail..sad..i know..but im working on it.

9) sometimes im not so sure who's the real evel here...i or the others. because the whole time im feeling like the big mean world is hurting me, but maybe its the other way around.

10) my biggest fears are to let someone inside my head.. (yeah im blogging but that's as all u know not the same)


Well i must nominate 6 bloggers, but the most people who i wanted to nominate, have already  been nominated :(
so more 10 things?
or maybe
this Award goes to ALL PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T BEEN NOMINATED YET!!

oh maaaan im really tired..tomorrow is a big day..wish me luck..i can do this!! i can act normal in society, not binge-drinking or binge-eating...and maybe not to be also so F**king shy.


xMx

i need some good thinspo right now. my mood is just BAD. broke my fast this morning and i have lost just ONE kg..whyyyy just one? but i knew if i wouldn't broke it, i would have binged what have been even 100x worst! and 4 days isn't so bad, because im not good at fasting at all, at RESTRICTING- yes, but not at fasting.
from this day on..im back on my veggie thing..
hopefully
it will help more.
watched new Skins US version.. i hate it.. after the real SKINS (i loved all 4 seasons!!!)  this version just sucks. everything seems wrong.. actors, scenes, names...EVERYthing..so i won't watch it anymore..just makes me angry.
maybe i need to take a dog for a walk instead of blogging right now^^

xMx

pure Bambithinspo

She's so inspiring. and we share the same height- 5'7 just not the same weight :(

im enjoying my free time a lot. fasting is going not so good because i have headaches for 2 days now :( but it will be ok. hopefully.

tomorrow is a big day...*drums*...AGAIN

yes, im done with my papers..and i can take a deep breathe and start fasting again. just for some days, hopefully those 2 kg will disappear and then can i get back to my normally eating habits, which are raw veggies, boilded veggies, some fruits, cotagge cheese and lots of green tea and coffee(ok coffee need to be decrease to 1-2 cups per day)

no salt, no sugar

one meal per day

running every second day

work-outs every day

and back to yoga!

haven't practise it for a long time

no more then 4 hours in internet

but that all will happen after this FAST!

im excited...

 WHEN SHE WAS ABLE TO DO THIS..WHY I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO IT?



Pure Keirathinspo

 this day sucked..that's why i needed the best thinspo i have..and it's keira knightly..she's just BEAUTIFUL


xMx

worst day in this year!

worst day because of that big amount of food..uhh..and i know the reason why..i slept 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours later in the afternoon..the whole night through i was working on my paper..still there are left 2 pages..but well i have this night for sure too. and luckily i was able to stop the binging (after that all bread i had *sigh*). but as soon as i will finish that damn paper ill begin the fast. just 2 days though because next paper must be finished till tuesday and i can't write if i haven't had something in my stomach, just it would be amazing that this time no bread-binge (fingers crossed) and i was so happy i didn't had more that chocolate obsession now i have bread's.
i have problems at the uni not because of courses but because of that weird atmosphere we have there(looong story and im to tired to write it all down here) im trying to stay out of there but well it doesn't work very well.
ok but i have also something good to tell: ill going to my best friends graduation and i must buy something to wear because i have nothing to wear(as always^^) hopefully i won't get im-too-big-to-even-buy-something attack. and the second thing-ill meet old friend in the next week...excited^^



i thought ill be more positiv this year but its not true...im really worried if this year will be worst then last one.

i want lose that WEIGHT but don't want to get sick either. where is the way out..no idea^^

xMx

i have a new blog..PARTY!!

because of my paranoia i deleted my old blog...and for 2 weeks managed to live without one. but the truth is i missed it a lot. but this time i won't make a mistake i did with my old blog. that is i won't feel guilty if im writting things what bothers me not just thispiration stuff. Because the blogging has one and only one reason to me and it is to stay under control, stay sane and maybe deal with my issues. So please don't follow me if you are just looking for thispiration, tipps or smthg like that, because this is not a pro-ana, pro-mia or anything- pro blog. im not saying that im not having some issues with my eating habits and that i don't want to be thin, but i know that it makes me sad, really sad, if someone is reading my blog just because it have something to do with lbs, kcal and that stuff. So i said it^^
this week has started not very good because i had exam on monday, and i dint do well. and ist really sad because i was studying really hard and i liked that course a lot, but at the exam i couldnt concentrate at all. i don't have results yet..but the good news is that was my last exam and only one paper has left. and then ill have 2 free weeks. i cant decide if i want to go to germany to meet an old friend. ok in fact its more like if i can afford it or not^^ we haven't seen each other for almost a year...
but well i have time..some days to decide what will i do..
i can't wait those free weeks without feeling of guilt for not learning..one part of me totally understands that its impossible and useless to study the whole day and half of the night through, but the other part -the one who wants to be perfect- is angry of herself for being lazy.  For example now im not writting my papper but this post and watching the big bang theory.
food is a problem for me now..its driving me crazy...my thoughts are all around it and if im going to supermarket i cant buy a thing more then veggies and cottage cheese..but when im home again i SOOO effin' want something tasty like chocolate ..the good thing in it is that im 128 lbs again. the bad thing - im moody really moody all the time. and really  tired also. i woke this morning after 12 hours long sleep and the first thing in my mind was..i want to go to sleep..

but i bet i wont be moody or sleepy when ill reach 120 lbs..and then 115 and..and..and ^^

ok this lazy ass will grab some coffee and do that paper!! no excuses allowed^^


xMx