it's better already

well, i'm feeling better right now. That's my food intake for today : broccoli, egg and cucumber. And 3x caffe latte..i could still do better.

5 km run
60 min cardio (intensity)
60 min mat work
40 min bike

i'm too tired and off to bed..thank god tomorrow i'm free..so..i'll do better then today.


xMx

oh, weekend..blahhh

well. weekend kinda sucked. but that's nothing new for me. it's always harder to manage through the weekend and not to screw up. and this weekend had all needed components to do it properly: work at Saturday till after midnight, to much drinks afterwards, return at home at 7 on the morning (how you can imagine..still drunk), full fridge, massive binge. END OF STORY, well, not exactly, but the last part you can imagine as well.  i haven't had drinks for last 3 weeks, because i was perfectly aware what will follow them..but this time i couldn't resist because..i could write down 100 of explanations, but the truth is i was just weak and stupid, and that's it. and because of this stupid act, also the time what had left from Sunday was worthless.. i was half sick, half depressed and half asleep. actually only last 2 hours are a little, tiny bit better.
and here comes the question: "WHY?" and "What were you thinking?" and i might say:

a) that's the last time(for over-drinking or over-eating  or both or none)

b)i'll start fresh from tomorrow

c) it doesn't count because i was doing great all week 

d) all above

BUT

that would be all just lies..in reality just lies..but i'm still naive and foolish..yeah..i'm NAIVE..let's go with that..and that's why i might choose answers a and b.

SO Meet me..The naive and fat COW!

xMx

fcuk it

intake:
275 kcal for sure and hell knows how much ~500 kcal
Use:
6, 4 km running
20 km bike

oh man, i'm so pissed off, why do i always screw it up?! don't answer, i know the answer already to good myself. i was doing so good. i had grapes( 125 kcal) and 2 coffee lattes. i manage through the working day, i went to my grandma birthday party..and i knew i'll need to eat and i had only salad with cheese(like one serving) and i didn't feel bad about it TILL i came home and went for 6, 4 km run. i felt too full, like i had a ball in my stomach, so gross, so i took lax. again and know i have a lil bit time for them kick in..so i have time to post. I'm thinking about why i freaked out, because now i think it was unnecessary. it can be the fact i couldn't know for sure how much did i eat, because..well i couldn't take my weights out could i. and i freak out,but lax. calmed me down again. MISERABLY. good thing - tomorrow will be easy. with that amount i will be unable to eat tomorrow as well ( if only i don't want to sit all the working time in the bathroom..haha). so no water as well. this day proved it again..no eating outside whatsoever!
  other things then eating: because it's still place for my ramblings first place although i have 5 followers( Hi to you there!!) now. I told my mom i'll be leaving  my country for a year. i'll be living in italy, working there and learning italian language( i know it already a lil bit).so me and my mom won't be seeing each other for a long time. as much i love=hate my mom i need to start my own life(AGAIN)..and far away from her. because she is one of the reasons (not the only one)  i am like this. but that's a long story and thinking about the past time..only thinking about it..makes me mad. but one thing i will be missing..actually 2 things..they are my 2 dogs. one i took from an animal shelter as a little puppy. i hope they won't forget me( i was 6 month away before..and they were ok with that.) Fingers crossed^^
ok this girl has an appointment with her bathroom.

how can someone not love dogs?!!!!..these aren't mine, but also lovely!


xMx

over 600..damn

intake: 625
steamed cauliflower, carrots, egg white and potatoes + coffee latte(3x)+ apple
6 km running, 40 min bike, "mat work" workout

too tired to write more, i still need to finish frosting for cupcakes.my grandma has a birthday tomorrow. and good news are.i haven't tasted anyone..and actually thought i could eat one makes me wanna puke..so..i can 99% assure you..no BINGING today.

xMx

almost 600

hmm..sleepless and with lots of bathroom visits are all i can say about last night and half of the next morning as well. luckily no work today, so i slept a lil bit through the day. Good thing after yesterday's depression is that it ended today...and i'm motivated again.

Intake:
588 kcal :steamed green beans, coffee latte (3x), half an apple, 1 banana

Jogging: 5,8 km in 24 minutes...i can do better then that
60 min- mat work workout

i can do better..i know i can. i could let one latte out..but when i remember past time when 6 cups of it per day was a absolute need, then this is not the worst case.

i have 3 packs of these at home, just for case i need a "little" boost ^^

each of piece have 75 kcal in it. that's the unhealthiest thing i like (read also consume) on daily bases.

it's October already and i figured out i need some guidelines for it, so i sat down and thought about it:

1. loose weight (at least 5 kg)

2. improve my jogging time and length

3. jog every evening at least 5K (1 day free at the week is acceptable but undesirable)

4. one worthy book and one worthy movie per week to watch and read( i'm not counting 

detectives which i love to death)

5. mat work everyday( no problems there) 


6. start a new activity - pilates or other class (or restart -swimming or yoga)


7. try not to loose it at work (read not o end up afterwards binging...AND IT"S not IMPORTANT HOW MUCH STRESS i have there)


8. cut my hair.




so, we'll see.

well, i'm not there yet, that's why i run normally late at the evening when it's dark. no one can see me and think i'm  fat, if i would get a comment about that it could spoil everything...so no..thank you.

xMx

stress at work---> massive binge at home--->purge (not all completed)--->laxatives, laxatives, laxatives
---->hate myself, my lack of willpower, everything..HATE


xMx

P.s i won't give up..i know i can find way back to restricting again...fggfsgf I KNOW

502

today's intake: 502 kcal
biking 15 km, running 30 min and mat workout 60 min.

i'm back on track..hopefully certainly for a longer time.. tomorrow is monday again, that means i have a 8 h long workday..i already made a soup(~241 kcal)  from carrots, beans and little touch of couscous for lunch. because knowing me i can't eat outside...i'll freak out and end up screwing everything up.no no no.not this time. i'm tired (tired probably isn't the right word..i'm devastated) of my weight jumping up and down, up and down..i'm at that point where i can restrict again..and not screw it up..like those stupid 2 years in the middle wouldn't have been..just mirror thinks otherwise. well we see!!

i still can't get enough from colors of autumn...nature is so beautiful...it's the people and their unnatural stuff, what changes beautiful into ugly. i mean..eating natural food chance to become a big fat girl is a lot smaller then eating Mcdonald's stuff. Anyways i'm enjoying autumn...

Japan is also my dream destination, just maybe a little bit later.

xMx

500

today i stayed under 500 kcal, had 30 min long run, 1 h long workout and i think i found new strength in me. just pity i always find strength in sad things..
and thank god it's autumn again( read lots of clothes to hide in)
and the nature has so many colors, it's just beautiful...
but honestly i don't get when did the autumn came. like really?
..somewhere between work, working out, counting intake and fighting
 with all and everyone around me..hmm..nice.

 xMx