sleepy

Sushi is really really sleepy today, and in fact she was so yesterday as well. that's why i'll just say that i'm doing well on my plan. only mistake so far were 2 pieces of milk chocolate. i was already forgotten how good it feels to run at the evening, i literally didn't want come back inside. If i could i would live like gypsies or hippies all summer long (only summer^^)
i wanted to weight myself today, but so far i have had lots of water, so i'll do it at morning to avoid bad surprises. 
wow, this post is officially the most pointless in my "LONG" blogging history. well, i am sleepy, that's why..
Thanx to Amber or Ariana! and thank you all of you who still reads my ramblings AND even finds some words to share, i really appreciate:)

xXxShySushiXxX

I will (10x)....be happy in this summer

last week was very warm, very sunny and very stressful ( wrote about my last paper). after it was done i got really really drunk..it means..lot of kcal. but after all that stress, tears and fears i simply needed it. i was out also on Friday and Saturday night. i just wanted to enjoy freedom and well to avoid also thinking about the future. But today i have calmed down. And from tomorrow morning i have a new plan.On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays i have work all day long. that's a good thing, because i don't eat there. and at the morning i don't eat in general. so i need to plan only one meal. i take bike to and from work, so it's also kcal burning and i will go running for 30 min every second evening. 

 i can't wait to start. Tuesdays and Thursdays will be my relaxing time. 

1.   i will read books a lot (finally something else then learning books or German books).
2.  i will go to the beach and i will be brown like chocolate (i am already brown but i want more) 
3. i will begin to draw again (haven't done that for over then 3 years, but i want it now). 
4. i will visit art exhibitions with my best friend
5. i will drink coffee (that one only cup:( ) 
6. i will go to summer music festivals and will enjoy listening to the music in summer nights
7. i will forget to worry about tiny irrelevant everyday things.
8. i will travel to Germany and i will see my friends again and i will tell them that i missed them much (even it's really hard to me to admit stuff like that.
9. maybe, just maybe i could find someone i really want to find. and maybe, it could change my loneliness. 
10. and maybe, just maybe I WILL BE HAPPY IN THIS SUMMER. so happy i always wanted to be.

But till then i WILL try to look as best as i can, what means...i need to loose some weight. GO me!

xXxShySushiXxX

 

Bachelor degree, weight etc.

Hi to you all out there!

I can officially say i have finished my bachelor program, and i did it really well. well, that's the opinion of my professors, not mine. i think i could done it better. but i can/will improve myself in master's degree, if i will decide to do it. in fact, i want to study in germany. but that takes lots of money and courage as well.

all that eating/ studying at night took me back to 61 kg. it's  134 lbs. it sucks, but i am not worried to much, because i know, i can do this and be at the end of the month 125 lbs at least. (it's graduation then)

i done lots of tests, but doctors couldn't find why i am feeling bad all the time, and why my thyroid is swollen. at the end, they figured out it's only stress and to much caffeine and other stuff from large amounts of coffee and energy drinks. I can't use them now. only one cup coffee per day. it is sooooo bad. i am a coffee lover. ok i can manage through the summer, because it's hot and so, but what will i do in the autumn or winter. coffee in warm cozy place while it's snowing/ raining outside is kind of my everyday pleasure in those month.

emotionally i am bouncing from bad and depressed to happy shiny people in daily basis. i am not happy about that, nor are my surrounding people. the most triggering thing is as always loneliness. it gets to me badly. my birthday is after 2 month, i will be 23. it is a lot, and i haven't been in love once. NOT EVEN once. what is wrong with me? it's not a question. sometimes i'm afraid of what answer it could be. i perfectly know sitting here and rambling won't help it. and i am starting to understand it's not also because of my weight. i don't know about what could it be neither. just trying to stay sane, positive and don't show my problems to others. it's not working all the times.
tomorrow i will drive to the beach. i have my own bike (happy happy face). read it as kcal burning+ faster then traffic+ tanning!
 and it looks kind of cute, maybe not so cute as these two, but still :D

Good night/ Day to you all!

so you probably already figured out but so i am done with my studies, i will be here a lot again. 

xXxShySushixXx