i have a new blog..PARTY!!

because of my paranoia i deleted my old blog...and for 2 weeks managed to live without one. but the truth is i missed it a lot. but this time i won't make a mistake i did with my old blog. that is i won't feel guilty if im writting things what bothers me not just thispiration stuff. Because the blogging has one and only one reason to me and it is to stay under control, stay sane and maybe deal with my issues. So please don't follow me if you are just looking for thispiration, tipps or smthg like that, because this is not a pro-ana, pro-mia or anything- pro blog. im not saying that im not having some issues with my eating habits and that i don't want to be thin, but i know that it makes me sad, really sad, if someone is reading my blog just because it have something to do with lbs, kcal and that stuff. So i said it^^
this week has started not very good because i had exam on monday, and i dint do well. and ist really sad because i was studying really hard and i liked that course a lot, but at the exam i couldnt concentrate at all. i don't have results yet..but the good news is that was my last exam and only one paper has left. and then ill have 2 free weeks. i cant decide if i want to go to germany to meet an old friend. ok in fact its more like if i can afford it or not^^ we haven't seen each other for almost a year...
but well i have time..some days to decide what will i do..
i can't wait those free weeks without feeling of guilt for not learning..one part of me totally understands that its impossible and useless to study the whole day and half of the night through, but the other part -the one who wants to be perfect- is angry of herself for being lazy.  For example now im not writting my papper but this post and watching the big bang theory.
food is a problem for me now..its driving me crazy...my thoughts are all around it and if im going to supermarket i cant buy a thing more then veggies and cottage cheese..but when im home again i SOOO effin' want something tasty like chocolate ..the good thing in it is that im 128 lbs again. the bad thing - im moody really moody all the time. and really  tired also. i woke this morning after 12 hours long sleep and the first thing in my mind was..i want to go to sleep..

but i bet i wont be moody or sleepy when ill reach 120 lbs..and then 115 and..and..and ^^

ok this lazy ass will grab some coffee and do that paper!! no excuses allowed^^


xMx