and the whining starts again...

i love this song, maybe that's why today was a bit better..but seriously i mean..the leg still isn't good, but somehow i didn't had to much time to think about it..cause of the early shift..and i still got one cup of coffee, but it's half so bad, cause it's only first day of easy-in, but till friday i need to find strength to say no to the coffee, otherwise all that detox. will be a waste of time ..i mean i will loose some weight anyways, but if i'm doing something then i want to do my best. it's always been like that.."black" vs. "white" & no colors in between. tomorrow it's only fruits and veggies. i don't know why can i be that person i was some years ago. with aim and be able to restrict and go for a 10km run at 3am. and just live from cappuccinos & study the whole night through. i don't have left so much will power, it's not working(all those thispirations & promises ) i think i can't full myself so easily, cause i know i will give up eventually.
ok. i won't give up..just these last 5 days are so depressing, and i can't get away from these thoughts ( no running remember :( )
tomorrow everything will look better..

xMx

 

my room looked almost the same  :D

 

 

sunday...i'm freeee

this week has been so crazy & stressful & i have been crying like crazy and since i'm here, i haven't cried almost at all..ok at least not so much. and all of this is because i could go for run (who am i kidding here), i couldn't walk without screaming. i got a bunch of injection IN THE ASS ( a new experience as well :D). today is the first day i can walk normally. and all this started just because of a little strain, which wasn't enough for not going to the work and being all day up on feet, so the nerve in the hip joint went crazy. But well i'm glad it's over (i cross my fingers). i can't run for a week (min :() it makes me sooo angry. anyways, with all job/injury & i'm big drama queen shit i postponed the master cleanse, but i'll start tomorrow: first 4 days are easy in and 5-15. day is the master cleanse & then 4 days are easy out. it's also good so, cause at the beginning of october i'm going to milan & i can't possible imagine to be there and not to drink coffee. But milan is also a good extra motivation.

some pictures of what i have been eating now:

writing this post i got really excited about starting the Master cleanse, cause if i can't run..it's the ultimate option right now: to focus & to not get depressed.

i'm enjoying a lots of coffee today, cause next 19/20 days  just herbal tea..

xMx

it's always the same sh*t

well..i can't believe it, but i have got a strain..first time in my 7 years long running history..and the thing is i used to run every day more then 10km..and really every day. and now when i'm more or less thinking about my body..guess what.. i got a strain..just FCUK yourself and die! i can't even walk normally..i was looking like a old grandma today limping & having that painful facial expression. oh well, whining & crying won't help there i guess. so i changed my work out plan: yoga & arm exercises were/still are on the plan. but i can't wait to run again..running is the only way i can get along with stress & angriness. oh, i just help it will heal very fast. i have no idea how long can it take(first strain huh), but from reading on Internet it might take ages(jhaskjdasl). I still be doing master cleanse thing though..i'm bit scared, cause i won't be able to drink coffee at all, and since i can remember, i have always had at least one coffee per day (not to speak about days when i have up to 5:D) anyways the plan is :
a) heal the strain
b)start master cleanse
c)study more & every day
d)fitness abo
e) winter boots
f) vacation
e)get another tattoo (in best case 2, but it depends of how much of spare money will i have:(
g) decide what to do after 4 month

and now i just need to inhale & exhale & cross the fingers

so now it's time to appreciate the fast work of L's & make appointment with a good book.if you know what i mean.
xMx